Sucks to be you

You climb the stairs to the roof warily, wondering why on earth Lian wants you to come to the roof of the old abandoned building where you used to play hide and seek with him and some other kids from your neighborhood when you were younger. Especially since it's nighttime... And dark. Very dark.

A confused, but apprehensive expression on your face, you reach the door that will lead you to the roof. When you were younger, you, Lian, and the others used to go there and fearfully peer over the edge, awed at how far away the ground was. Taking a deep breath, you close your hand over the cold metal of the grey handle, pushing it down, then opening the door slowly, entering the cool darkness of the night, though grateful for the light, despite how little it was, for the walk up to the top floor had been long and spooky.

You close the door quietly behind you, then you looked around, rubbing your arms as it is a little chilly up there. Your eyes wander to the sky, and you briefly notice how clear it is, the full moon...


Startled, you nearly jump as you turn to see Lian standing near the edge. The lost look in his deep blues eyes, his spiky, but haphazard light brown hair, his wrinkly white t-shirt and faded blue jeans... You take them all into account, and suddenly, it all makes sense... Lian'd been subtlely telling you about this, preparing you for it, but you just hadn't gotten it. Now you did. His eager participation in any debate that had to do with suicide, his sudden disinterest in the project you had been working on, a study on the effect of media on your school, the way he looked at happy people with a wistful look in his eyes... The way he went blank whenever someone brought up the future...

Speechless, you stare at Lian, and he stares back. You feel faint, confused, panicky, unsure what to do. There is no hope in Lian's eyes, his trademark smirk is not there, and still holding onto you gaze, he walks backwards, closer to the edge. There is no railing. There is no ledge. There is nothing to stop him from falling if he takes that last step back. And it is a long fall, there is no way he could survive it.

Cautious, you approach him, the distance between the two of you about fifteen feet. "Why?" you ask him, why was he giving up. But he does not answer immediately, instead, he gestures around, looking about him with listless movements.

"It's everything." He finally says. "And nothing."

Confused, you tilt you head to one side, noting how he seems to be getting ready to jump, his arms pressed to his sides.

Noting your expression, he sighs, muscles tensed and ready to spring into action. "I can't go on in this world. Nothing and no one is holding me back. My My older sister... no. My friends..." he sighs and lowers his gaze, then returns it to your eyes. "You're a great friend, don't ever change, promise me?"

Dumbly, you nod, unable to speak, and having no idea what to do in this kind of situation. "But..." You start to say, then he cuts you off.

"But nothing. There's nothing for me in this world. I have no dreams, no ambitions. I'm just wasting air." He closes his eyes, and a gust of wind blows, ruffling his spiky hair and tugging against his t-shirt and his jeans. The shoe-laces of his sneakers also move a little from the wind, and you take in his whole image, awed by how... unearthly he looks right then, an image you will never forget.

"Lian, please don't..." You say as the wind stops.

He shakes his head, and then he takes a step back, falling backwards over the ledge as you rush towards him. Everything seems to go in slow motion. You reach the edge, getting down on all fours and leaning over, and you watch as he falls to the concrete sidewalk, to the paved road, and to darkness. For a moment, it looks almost as if he's flying in a way, and there seems to be a happy, genuine smile on his face... But then you turn your head, not able to watch as his body comes to contact with the hard ground, sickened by the sound it makes.

You turn your head, then crawl back to a safe spot on the roof, blinking, unable to believe what had just happened... Lian? Of all people? He was so... nice! Such a sweet person... Why had he given up? Rubbing your eyes, you look up at the night sky, staring at the stars and moon again.

And then, as a shooting star shoots across the sky, the wind blows again, ruffling your hair and your clothes, causing you to shiver a little as you draw your knees to your chest. Though you have no way to prove it, it seems as if the wind says something in your ears, a little whisper in a voice curiously similar to Lian's.

"Sucks to be you..."

Right then, as you blink, wondering what had just happened, a shooting star darts across the sky, and a single tear runs down your face. Why, if suicide was so wrong, did Lian's death seem so right? Confused, you realize that whatever that... voice was, it was right. It did suck to be you...