|
You never were the smiling type to start with, were you Keith? Those who knew you would think I was crazy for saying that, but it's true. Those 'bright' smiles and grins you flashed the rest of the world were imposters. They were ghosts of the true, beautiful smile that would touch your lips for those rare, brief moments where you felt that maybe, just maybe there was hope to life, and you saw the beauty in the horror of it all. People talk a lot about identical twins, but what about us? What about the fraternal twins? We may not share the same embryo, but we shared a womb for nine months, and if that doesn't count for something then life's crazier than I thought. Keith was the younger one, a full thirteen minutes younger than me, his older brother, Kyle. . He had dark blonde, very brownish hair that people loved, while I had our mother's dark brown, depressingly straight hair that was nothing special. We both had the same dark blue eyes, though your had this beauutiful sparkle that I lost rater early on in life. At least, you had that sparkle until that day. Keith was the one people always remembered, the one that was more likely to have a pretty girl flirt with him Though Keith wasn't interested in the girls, no, for my dear younger brother Keith was gay. I admit, that realization did not, in fact, come as a shock to me. I suppose I had always known and was just waiting for him to tell me, and when he did, I said 'Okay, so next time a girl flirts with you, direct her to me, 'kay?" and Keith laughed, then hugged me, thanking me for still loving him and then he smiled, and I basked in the warmth of the happy expression on his face for the entire minute it lasted. You never deserved the bad treatment life threw at you Keith. It was fine with me, I didn't mind it that much. I was able to cope with the loss of our parents, and then the bouncing around from foster home to foster home. But you were always the type who got so attatched to things and people, and then when you lost them, you'd be devestated. I learnt to put up emotional barriers, but you... You never stopped reaching back into the fire though you knew you'd get burned. Yeah, I know they say you have to take chances in life, but you took too many. And each time you got hurt, a peice of your happy go lucky nature died, and you smiled less. It's gone now though. You never smile anymore. And I remember that day, the last day you smiled. Ethan, that lily-livered no good two faced motherfucking son of a whore, walked into your life and stabbed your heart then twisted the knife and pulled it out, wiped it clean, and walked away as if nothing had happened. If I ever see that bastard again, I swear, I willstab his eyes out for having even just *looked* at my brother wrong. Then I'll cut hands off for having touched you, and then... No, I'm going overboard. It was not entirely Ethan's fault. You were the one who gave him your heart on a silver platter and expected him to take extra good care of it and not abuse it, even though you knew he had a history for abusing his boyfriends. After you finally broke up with Ethan, I remember you came to my apartment and sunk into my couch, crying your dark blue eyes out. I never was one who knew how to comfort others, but I sat next to you, and put an arm around your shoulders. You looked up at me, brushed some of your unruly blonde hair out of your eyes, and then spoke. "I knew this would happen, and you knew too, didn't you Kyle? Of course you did, you even warned me, but I didn't listen." "You never listen. You're a stubborn donkey that deserves to be whipped and fed old oats for the rest of it's life." I said, hoping that the dry humour would do the trick, and it did. You smiled at me, and you even laughed a little. "Want some ice-cream? It's runoured to help with break-ups." After those words, you held onto your smile longer than usual, before slowly letting it fade as you nodded, and I left to go to my kitchen. But that time, Keith wasn't going to bounce back for another round. That was the last time he would trust anyone other than me, and a few other friends maybe. Keith was broken in, as was I. Maybe I seemed to be the stronger oen, but in truth, I had just broken earlier, when our parents had died. In turth, I had admired Keith for the way he managed to love, to trust, after what happened to us when we were little. That day that you broke up with Ethan and came to my apartment, that day that we ate ice-cream while trading stories of horrible boyfriends and girlfriends, that day that we both decided to dye our hair each other's color, that day that you lost the sparkle in your eyes... That day was the last day I saw you smile. ------------------- |